Anyway, I was idly looking at the magazines in the café. Seems to be, all the "women" targeted magazines, EVERY ISSUE, have on their covers, in prominent writing, a new miracle diet. PEIRDE PESO SIN DIETA! DIEZ KILOS EN UN MES!

Well, seeing as everyone is doing it, I thought I would contribute my own to this fascinating field of social science.

I call it:

The Grow Up And Get A Life Diet.

It's simple.

1. Find some sport you like doing, and DO IT. Apperently excercise releases endorfins, neurochemicals identical to those released with laughter and sex, into the bloodstream. Anyway, if you've ever tried you would already know that excercise makes you feel good. It's the way the body was naturally developed to run. Cavemen didn't sit around all day watching reruns of The Simpsons. Okay, if you're unfit it will hurt for a while, but keep at it, it won't be like that forever.
I suggest cycling/walking/running as a cheap alternitive to transport; swimming, because it rocks and also because it has the highest energy/muscle usage of any of the activities outlined in that book I read once, and it gives you a great body; sex, because, well, do you need a reason?; and martial arts, because... you've seen those movies XD

2. EAT LESS DUMBASS. Eat only when you feel hungry, only as much as you need to stop you feeling hungry, and if you have a healthy food you like, have that lying around instead of potato crisps (which aren't so amazingly great anyway, in my opinion. They're nice. But you don't have to go getting a heart attack because of them). If you really urgently need to lose weight, tough luck, you're going to have to be hungry. So screw you! It's your own damn fault you're like that anyway! Magical mystery diets never work. They're just cheap scams made to keep you compulsively returning to the same magazine week after week in the vain hope that the next one will be better.

3. Stick to it! Otherwise your life continue being a hopeless pile of self-loathing and lethargy until the day you die at the age of fourty-two after a atkins-induced heart attack. Your choice.

4. And if you really MUST be fat, be fat! But don't complain! It's your choice! Learn to love yourself the way you are!

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